Most people with autoimmune disease (or other types of chronic illness) don't have insanely visible symptoms like someone with a broken leg- most of the suffering goes on quietly with little attention from others because its often internal. Having invisible and silent pain can be so hard to go through and many people from the outside don't understand what it's like and can often miss opportunities to be a good friend. Here is a guide on what to do and what not to do since most people get it wrong. These tips come straight from my experience of how my amazing friends treated me, especially those who were having a very similar experience to mine.
1. Pray for your friend. Also, make sure you tell your friend you are praying for them. Dealing with invisible illness can be fatiguing, hopeless and dark. What better way to be a friend than to lift them up in prayer to the Ultimate Healer?
2. Don't say that you know how they feel. Comparing some minor thing or pain you have is not the same thing, and even if you've been through a health related hardship doesn't mean that your suffering is comparable. Unless you have the same illness or a similar autoimmune disease, its very unlikely that you know how someone feels.
3. Stop giving health advice. Period.
4. Ask your friend how they are feeling- most days you won't be able to tell how they feel just by looking at their face. Just listening to someone without interruption and genuinely showing that you want to understand them can be so therapeutic for someone who is sick. Having friends actively ask me how I was feeling or how my appointment with my Specialist went was so encouraging. Also try to go out of your way to show that you care about them with your actions. Buy them coffee, send them a card in the mail, actively pursue your friendship to show them that they matter to you.
5. Show grace- sometimes your friend will bail last minute, not be up for an event or simply not even want to interact. Show grace by being understanding if sometimes they are outwardly not as good of a friend to you as you are to them.
Trust me, when your friend feels better they will be so grateful that they had someone like you by their side when they were facing something that sometimes seemed so dark and hopeless- true friendship is sacrifice and a good friend makes a difference for a lifetime.
